A post that I was hoping not to write again.

 

 But God’s mercy and love is bigger than my understanding of all of this pain.

That knowing that if we unite our greatest sufferings with  His, we are somewhat worthy of the true cross which might bring us a living happiness = eternal life.

 

A few weeks ago, I sadly learn that our sweet baby boy did not make it past 13 weeks yet my body once again, was not showing any signs of it. I had my 15 weeks check up and once again, my biggest fear became my reality, no heartbeat, no movement, no baby.   

I really couldn’t believe that I was living this nightmare again that I had just felt that I experience with Benedicto not too long ago.  

 I really thought that the Easter Miracle that I had written about was a baby I was going to hold for a very long time. 

  

At first, I just wanted to get it done with and move on and have a D&C but after a day or so of reflection, and knowing that we were not going to get a body to bury here, I decided to have labor so that I can have a tiny yet very big in our hearts, baby to give what everyone unborn at least deserves if they don’t make it: a burial. 

  

So I went in on June 20th and on June 21st deliver a perfect tiny baby boy, Juan Diego. 

  

So missed .. So wanted.. So needed!   

 

Our Dear Fr.John, came to visit and brought me: Christ and also two relics, one of the true cross and one of that day’s saint: St. Aloysius Gonzaga 

 

I was able to reflex on that day’s Gospel which was Matthew 6:19- 23 and what stood out for me that I knew Jesus was talking to me at that moment in time was: 

 20 But store up treasures for yourselves in heaven, where neither moth nor woodworm destroys them and thieves cannot break in and steal. 21 For wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be too.

  

I know that I also have my sweet four treasures on earth and those four treasures in Heaven who are giving Glory to God.

  As my husband and I were eating our lunch after we went to the doctors before the labor, a lady sat right behind me with these words on her shirt:  

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28So now I give him to the Lord.1 Samuel 1:27-28

  

Our children are not ours, they are God’s and God’s alone. He only grants us time with them, may it be seconds, months, years, but we should always give them to the LORD.

  

One week later, we bury our sweet son on June 28th at a St. Joseph Cemetery, right under a Magnolia tree and in front of a big statue of Sacred Heart of Jesus. 

 We also order some flowers to put on the gravesite and sure enough, it was filled with St.Joseph’s flowers, lilies. And since Juan Diego was conceived on St. Joseph’s feast day, I knew it was St.Joseph’s way of letting us know, that he also was carrying Juan Diego in his arms.

  

 I knew that mourning the loss of my own children, I can also mourn the loss of millions and millions of children lost to abortion. 

God was calling for me for something greater than I ever knew I was able to do.

 With God, nothing is impossible.

  

During losing Benedicto last year, I got a hold of this wonderful book that has helped me in so many ways, that I can not even describe it. after miscarriage: A Catholic Woman’s Companion to Healing and Hope by Karen Edmisten.     I had given copies to many moms from friends to strangers so that they can heal and have hope again. 

 

 

With the love of Christ,

Maria Cecilia